[James] New motherhood in Trynidad

Any subject dealing with my parents is never an easy one to dissect: they were enigmas and riddles wrapped in a mystery. I mean, one never really can say that they knew their parents completely, but as one grows older and wiser we begin to understand what they were trying to share with us, especially after they're gone.

Top left to right -  mother Imelda, father Steve
and their kids

My mother in her own seemingly insignificant way broke barriers, traditions and boundaries. She was a traditional homemaker and she was an independent working woman. In her younger years she felt her calling to God and joined the convent. After five years as a nun, she left and met my father, who as fate would have it, once was a Monk with aspirations for the priesthood. After five years however, he decided that the monastic life was not for him. They married and started their family. 

With three children six years later, one finds that Mummy had already obtained her driver's permit, managed my father's store and was raising her children. A decision to close the store and move the family closer to the capital city opened up a new outlook for my mother: she got into the world of work as a key punch operator, while at the same time juggled managing the household. When a series of mishaps with our various housekeepers had taken its toll, my mother decided to become a full time home maker, something she excelled at until we were old enough to take care of ourselves and each other. Once we were old enough, she opted to head back into the world of work, managing the accounts of the convent's High School of the order that she had left all those years before, and then moved on to teaching first year students until her retirement in the Preparatory School.

Though she had embraced the new tradition of the working wife and mother, she was very much at ease being the old traditional stay at home mother and wife. As she straddled both traditions, she was took great pains to prepare her three children for life... Something that she also reminded us of when we became adults.

We were all taught to some degree "Home Economics" not just the management of our own households, but how to take care of ourselves. She insisted in ensuring that no spouse of ours would ever be able to take advantage of us (especially her boys): today, my brother and I can hold our own in the kitchen, and though we live alone, our homes are pristine. My sister, who is the youngest of us, is a home maker, home school teacher of five children, and who once was the sole bread winner while her husband was between jobs.

There is a new stereotype of motherhood today that still embraces the old traditions: one where the wife and mother maintains independent control of her own destiny while at the same time having a working knowledge of the traditional aspects of our parents, raising children, cooking, cleaning, sewing and ironing. Maybe our, or at least, my mother saw it coming and prepared her boys to do the same. Many of my friends who are married have spouses who are able to embrace all the roles and share the duties of the household.

James B. Solomon from Trinidad and Tobago

[Guido] Italian stereotype of the mother

The “stereotype of the mother” in Italy is pretty similar to the Polish one...

Guido and his mom

She has to stay at home all the time, prepare the meals, clean the house, watch after children and wait for her husband to come back from work. She can’t just care about her own happiness; she must always be there for the other members of the family.

This stereotype is fading away in favor of the “stereotype of the woman”. This second one is not typically Italian but more American or, as one could say, consumerist.

This new stereotype is represented by a woman who cares only about herself. That means to pursue her career, take care of personal health, chase sexual and spiritual pleasure, always having in mind the amount of care she receives and never the amount of care that she gives.

If the first stereotype brought her to disgrace, the second one is undermining the very structure of our society: we have less and less children, and the children we have don't have enough love so they grow up as sad and selfish individuals, unable to be members and builders of a sane and strong society.

The only hope we have is to get rid of stereotypes and just start to be fair and reasonable people.

Guido Giacomo Gattai from Italy

[Michael] Good mother from Ghana

Ghana is made up of approximately 24 million people. Out of this number, about 13 million are considered to be females according to the 2010 population and housing census. 

Michael Fuseini Wandusim

In order to know and understand who “a good mother” really is in Ghana, one has to know how the Ghanaian society generally views women and their position in the society. Also, one needs to appreciate the fact that there are over 40 different ethnic groups in Ghana, and each ethnic group has its own standard of measuring who a good mother is. Nevertheless, I will give a general view of who is considered “a good mother” in Ghana.

Before now, women in Ghana were considered to be less superior to men and the place of the woman in the Ghanaian society was the home and kitchen; she need not go to school. But in modern times where there has been serious campaign by gender advocates about the need for the education of the girl-child and for that matter, women, this perception about the woman being consigned to the home and kitchen is gradually changing. It has however not completely changed since the Ghanaian society is still considered to be in a state of transition from traditionalism to modernity with about 60% of the society being traditional and the rest having varying levels of modernization.

Given the transitional nature of the Ghanaian society, generally, a woman is considered to be “a good mother” if she is able to manage her home well, that is if she takes care of the children with the money the husband provides and sometimes her own money; does the household chores; respects and submits to the authority of the man who, in Ghana, is considered the family-head, does not flirt and does not take internal problems of the family outside. In rural Ghana, “a good mother” is also one who supports the man in farm activities. And according to research most of the farm work in rural Ghana is done by the woman. Therefore, it is interesting to know that it is the dream of every young man to marry a woman as one described here.

Among the elite who have been exposed much to modernity however, all the aforementioned duties of “a good mother” constitute a shared responsibility between the man and the woman. That notwithstanding, even among the elite, because of the influence of traditionalism, “a good mother” is to submit to the authority of the man, manage the home, and should treat well visitors who come to the family.

Personally, I will consider my mother as “a good mother” because she cares for me and my siblings, and advices me about how to relate to elderly people and encourages me in the way of God. And she respects my dad too and treats well people who visit my family.

A “good mother” in Ghana therefore, generally has to do with one who is able to manage her home well, respects her husband and does not flirt.

Michael Fuseini Wandusim from Ghana

[Miluska] Brave mom from Peru

In Peru, the belief in stereotype of a mother sacrificing herself for the children and family is strong.  My own mother made this hard  choice in order to educate the children and spend more time with them.  

Miluska with her mother

In my country you have to leave the children in school until 4pm and the mother must provide them with breakfast, lunch, prepare their clothes, cook them dinner and help with homework. My friend who has her own business, has enough money to pay for a nanny but it’s not usually the case. In today’s Peru, both partners work but if one stays at home, it’s the mother in 99% of the cases.

When my sister had her first child, my mother looked after her daughter. They helped and aided each other, despite diffrences.  Anything for the children you know. Women in my country usually get married at around 22-23 years old. Typical family model includes 3 kids.  My mother and sister have a lot of imagination and patience for the children: taking them to the park, talking to them, showing them the typical traditions of Peru, parties, dancing, music, food.  Peruvians are very attached to their culture. 

My mother is brave, determined and cool-headed person. Even in bad times, she has the courage to prevail. She’s the one who told me about the God. She managed put the basic principles in my head – To respect and take care of others. There is always a place in our hearts for people like her.

Miluska Arroyo from Peru

[Peter] German multitasking mother

My mother worked as a hairdresser in a small familiar business in the same road where my parents lived and she was very low paid. My father worked as  pattern maker, making forms upon a wooden pattern for a casting house. 

Mom Liselotte with son Peter in 1953

Normally, he worked from Monday to Saturday for 10 hours per day. We rented a small house of an old widow but later on my parents planned to build a house for a bigger family in the same village. It took two years and nearly each free minute of my mother's and father's free time.

My mother then quit her job in order to stay at home. She took care of my father and sisters Karin and Jutta who were born shortly after each other: this was the role model for the woman of that time. She had to care for the children to wash, to cook the meals for them and her husband and also cared for the garden. When Jutta and Karin went to Kindergarden, I started primary school at the Evangelische Volksschule in our village.

On Sunday my mother used to go to the sunday service at the protestant church with the children, while my father cooked the Sunday meal. This was really unusual at that time and belonged not to the traditional role model, but that was a social family tradition for long, long years. This was not the only unusual thing she did: when the new house was being built, she also worked like a man climbing on the roof  with the craftsman and also digged out the earth for the building pit, which was prepared by hand. As we grew vegetables from our own garden, my mother also had a lot of work to preserve them. We kept the fruits in the cellar, while we stored the jam for the wintertime in the sleeping room. When the whole family gathered, for my mother the most important thing was to bring a lot of cakes and biscuits on the table, served with coffee in the afternoon. My mother has never been submissive in the family because the role was clear: she took care of the children and my father cared for the income. That was the real task sharing!

As I grew up I left my family for practicing social work in a children home when I was 19 years old. That was the time when I became apart from my mother. She started to work part time sewing shoes, in the neighbour town where my aunt worked too. She then left this firm and at the age of 50 she started to be a nanny in a family where both the wife and husband worked, he as a advocate and she as a teacher. That was a good time for my mother, because she did what she liked as a job. She was  not under pressure to survive with a big family, she had enough money, a car and no more small children of her own. The thing she missed the most is not to have had a chance for a higher level of education, as she sacrificed this for her family.

As far as today's situation is concerned, I would say that women have to choose between family or career since mothers have the biggest part of work, also because it is not accepted that fathers take care for children.Women should be multitasking  to be partner, to be mother and to be successful in their job. Some are overloaded from this and go ill.This often results in divorce because the pairs are overloaded and have a lot of conflicts. Furthermore, it is more common that women rather than men care for children alone, which is mostly connected with poverty. The distribution of tasks should be put into question!

Peter Wagner from Germany